Getting an eight year old boy to put feelings into words goes something like this, "I am just sad, I don't know why". I ask for specifics. That is a hard word too.
Finally after I really quieted down and started to cuddle him, he opened up that he needed more positive attention and that he was sad because he was missing his old friends. He feels bad when the rest of the siblings get in trouble and also he has trouble asking for help in school.
Well, these are all things that can be fixed and worked on, right?
I asked him what I could do to make changes in my responses to his actions.
THE LIST WAS LONG!
Number one:
He said I needed to count to ten. Have we all learned this? How many of us practice this in our daily lives?
So I have a new series that I will start today called: STARTING TODAY (catchy huh?)
Each week I am sure I will find that I can start trying something new in my life that needs work. I already have a long list of places to begin.
So STARTING TODAY, I am going to count to ten before I get angry and miffed with the kids. I made a commitment to my son. In return he said he would sit down with me and tell me about his day, ups and downs during private time after school.
Oh, sweet boy! So nice he finally shared with you. And I may have to count to 10 - (maybe even 20) myself sometimes!
ReplyDeleteI so remember those days, Annie. How wonderful that you were able to get him to express what he WAS feeling. It is hard sometimes, to not live right on the edge of "losing it" when you have more than 2 kids and no one around to help. Blessings~ You are doing a good job! xo Diana
ReplyDeleteFrom the mouths of babes. I'm going to give it a try in this household too!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great post! You have already established such a wonderful relationship with each of your kids and those lines of communication will serve you, and them well as they get older.
ReplyDeleteKat :)
So, hubby & I had a FIGHT (not a disagreement, a big, yelling FIGHT) about my lack of patience the other day. At the center of the fight: my expectation that he, a very impatient and short-tempered person, should give me some slack when I show some impatience; his expectation that I will always show more patience and be way more laid back than he and that any deviation from that is unacceptable. Whoa.
ReplyDeleteThis made me angry. But despite the fact that on paper this is a very unfair view, in our reality he's a little right. I had to take a step back and see that my ever increasing impatience is not a good thing, and is not "who I am". Pretty much, I am just not coping with stress, but instead letting myself show bad form. All the while I was rationalizing my behavior by saying, "he's worse than me, so it is ok." But in this excuse the kids were suffering.
So, fair or not, I really am having to be the calm in the storm- even when I don't feel like it. This realization has helped my behavior more than Prozac ever did- seriously. And at the end of the day, I like myself better & hope that I've given my kids less fodder for their eventual therapy sessions (I just want to save them money when the time comes...).